Four Days (T-Minus 354 Days)

Well it’s been four days since I bid Sparks adieu and did the final stride of pride between our hotels. We said goodbye just as we had every other morning in the week and a half since our paths initially re-crossed, even though there was no way to know when or if it would happen again. There were no discussions of the future, no sappy farewells and certainly no tears. Just a quick kiss and one last longing stare at the door.

I’m not going to lie, four days later now seems like four weeks. 


(For the record, it's not so much I'm pining over him and the days feel long; more so I haven't had to be in the office for nearly three weeks because of all the travel so being cubed up for hours on end is an adjustment. And it gives me time to think. Or pine, maybe just a little.)

Regardless, as much as I hate to admit it, because I pride myself on being a reasonably cool and laidback woman, I do occasionally have crazy girl tendencies (who doesn’t, honestly?!). It’s not that I have grand expectations (or any for that matter) or want to make last week into anything more than it was, but I would very much like to see him again. And I really have to reign myself in from pushing too hard for that.

After all, it’s only been four days. Four freakin long days. 

Contrary to how casual I may have made it seem, I generally do not jump in bed with someone the first night after not seeing them for a year. Therefore, I am unfamiliar with the proper etiquette for this situation. I mean, what do you do when you realize you want to spend time with someone who lives seven-ish hours away? There are no casual drinks or random meetings or grabbing coffee. Everything has to be planned, purposefully executed and done with intent.

Not my areas of expertise.

And so, after a rather enjoyable hour and a half of typical getting to know each other text banter last night, I slipped up today. I went too far. I had offered a plan for a possible weekend rendezvous – under the very legitimate guise of a professional outing – but it wasn’t doable from his end. Instead of letting it go, however, I offered up a Plan B.

Really, TNT?!** Plan B?! It’s been four days woman, relax.

I was truly embarrassed for myself.

The good news is … Sparks not only humored me, but rolled with it and said the plan just might work. We’d make something work.  

Relieved, this made me recall a conversation I had several years ago after perhaps another borderline crazy girl moment on my end. I was talking to a friend and bemoaning my own stupidity when she very matter-of-factly said “you were just being yourself.” At first, I was offended, but once I thought about it, I chose to take it as someday I would meet a guy who found my occasional neurosis endearing. Maybe even adorable.

I am in absolutely no way saying that is the case here. None whatsoever. But for now, I am happy with being humored. And for the possibility of seeing him again soon. And for the chance that maybe, just maybe, he is even the slightest bit as hopeful/confused/scared shitless/intrigued/hesitant/potentially endeared as I am.

**FYI, TNT is for Tiaras and Tennis [Shoes] – realized I haven’t had to refer to myself in third person and therefore hadn’t given myself a name. It can be negotiated, though I do like the additional ACDC connotation