Wisdom of P!nk (T-Plus 312 Days)

I do some of my best thinking when I’m running. The fitness enthusiasts among you would probably say it’s because my head is clear and I’m at peace with nature or some crap, but really it’s a defense mechanism. I desperately need something to distract from my huffing, puffing and obsessing over whether or not my foot feels like it is going to fall off.

Regardless of the reasoning behind them though, the thoughts are usually pretty good. I was traveling over the weekend for work and enjoying a jog through balmy 22-degree temps when P!nk’s “Try”came on my workout mix. Not sure if it is uncool or not to admit, but I am a rather large P!nk fan. I have at least 10 songs that never fail to get my up and going and her latest is no different.

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame. Where is a flame, someone is bound to get burned. 

Now there are certainly more significant lyrics out there, but in pondering the chorus and idea of the consequences of flames, my mind went in the opposite direction to how flames start … With sparks, of course.

Oh Sparks.

Yep, I just can’t seem to shake him (try as I might over the last year plus).

To get you up to speed: Back in November, we saw each other on the road for a mutual work event. Even though we had stayed in touch and flirted via text on a regular basis, I was still a little worried about it being awkward or there being too much pressure on the situation to make it good, but everything just clicked like it always had. Sparks were flying, one might say.

Unfortunately, after an incredible dinner and night out, the hotel was sold out and we both had road roommates, so there were no marathon slump-busting sessions, despite our every attempt into bribing the late-night hotel desk clerk to find us a room (seriously). After failing there, we resorted to making out in a back banquet hallway of the hotel (even the bathrooms were locked!), where we were eventually caught. Humiliating, but too hilarious not to mention.

So we parted ways there and went back to the occasional text/email/etc. and I started to settle into the idea things would continue on like this for months or years until we saw each other again, but about two weeks later, I was once again traveling and met up with one of my besties to whom, after sharing much wine, I ended up gushing to about Sparks. She gave me some perspective on the way I apparently act when I talk about him and the way I describe him and our relationship and pointed out the fact it was unlike anything else since she's known me.

I realized then I wasn't ready to give up on it, but nor was I willing to accept the way things had gone on for so long. While trying to come up with a way to present all this to him, however, I got a series of texts from him the next night along the lines of "Sunday-Monday? Halfway?"

Yes, we met halfway and yes, made up for lost time, but also had some really good conversation. For as long as this had gone on and as many years as we've known each other, we've only had a handful of proper dates and we have a lot of ground to cover.

Sh!t got real that night.

We talked about a lot of stuff which made this way more real and not just the picture-perfect hookups I was remembering so fondly. If anything, it made me more committed to wanting something more with him, though at the same time even more daunted about what it is going to take to make it happen.

Fast forward nearly two months and all those concerns seem to be warranted. My naïve idea to try and meet once a month was quickly thwarted by life and little by little, the days between communication tack onto each other and they've stretched to two weeks. There's so much to say, yet nowhere to begin. 

At the risk of sounding stalker-y or at least like a lame girl pining, I think about it. I think about him. I try to go out with other men and they don’t even come close. I don't want them too.

And so I'm worried that P!nk is right. That the sparks are going to turn to flames and, before I know it, those flames are going to burn my heart beyond recognition. I spent the balance of my run wondering if  it’s a risk I want to take, a matter which has remained fodder for the week through more runs and many rounds of the song on repeat.

Turns out the answer is right there in the lyrics:

But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die. You gotta get up and try. And try and try.