I may have made more headway in finding my groove in the last few hours than in the last 70-plus days, not that that really says much. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve spent the last two and a half months talking about the same notion of wanting to make change but never actually doing it.
I don’t really know what to say in response, but at least you know I know. And that tonight I tried.
No, I didn’t find a new job, plan an amazing trip or finally profess months of pent-up feelings.
Baby steps.
Tonight, I cooked a meal. And baked some cookies … most of which I ended up ruining.
For those of you that know me, you know how much I loved to have people over and entertain. Or how I could daydream about menus and spend all day creating cookie or cupcake recipes. There were very few things in my life I enjoyed more than being barefoot (or in my Uggs) in the kitchen, jamming out whatever musical genre tickled my fancy for the day.
These simple pleasures are the first things to go when I get busy at work and, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the last home-cooked meal I had made myself. I ate cereal for dinner, frozen meals, popcorn, soup if I was feeling daring and, of course, I spent a fair amount of money eating out and occasionally collecting dinners from failed match.com suitors.
Starting the second week of November – right around the time I truly lost any and all groove – and lasting for about five months, my life is at its craziest. I spend a lot of time on the road, work crazy hours and generally don’t know which way is up. Among many other things, I have a hard time rationalizing regular trips to the grocery store when I’m not home long enough to use everything.
And so, I just don’t cook.
In fact, the last time I tried to make dinner for friends, I ended up ordering pizza and making brownies from a box because I was stuck at work far later than planned, but couldn’t bring myself to cancel as I hadn’t seen everyone in forever. In that case, the company made the night, but also it illustrated part of what was missing in my life.
Until tonight.
I started out slow – just some baked chicken and sautéed vegetables, but it was so satisfying to stand around working out exactly how I wanted to season everything and, yes, jamming out – to Rihanna mostly. I made sure to cut up some extra veggies for an omelet in the morning and I cooked some chicken on the stove to pull apart and use in corn chowder Sunday. [Mental note to find the recipe I came up with a few years ago for that.]
Baked chicken consumed, I then apparently got ahead of myself and decided to bake some cookies. I have made these brownie cookies with white chocolate chips and craisins a bajillion times; I used to be able to make them with my eyes closed. Tonight, however, they ended up in the trash.
I honestly don’t remember the last time I botched a baked good bad enough I couldn’t get at least something useable out of it. In this particular instance, it might be the best thing that could have happened though because I am stubborn enough to know I will have to try the cookies again soon with the hopes of a better result.
Yes, I have to work most of the day tomorrow, after an early spin class and some yoga, but I think I am confident in the fact I will find the time to be barefoot in the kitchen for the second day in a row. And hopefully many days after that, within reason.
And that makes me feel happier than I have been in quite awhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment