Welp, it’s two weeks until the big day and I must say I am approaching it with better peace of mind than one might have thought 400-and-some days ago. It may largely be in part to the fact I am once again on the road and will be for most of the next few weeks and therefore really don’t have the time or energy to obsess about it. Or maybe I have in fact reached some level of self acceptance.
Meh, who are we kidding? It’s most likely the former.
Regardless, I have a pivotal moment coming up before the big day. This time next week, plus about four hours, I will know whether Sparks’ and my paths will cross for the third year in a row and to be honest, I am not so sure what I am hoping for. If it doesn’t happen, then I think it’s a clear sign I should shut the door on this whole situation and that would probably be a good thing. Because if we do see each other, it will inevitably lead to drunken makeouts on street corners and strides of pride between hotels in the morning and we’ll be right back to where we were last year.
And I need to be all about forward progress.
So before we reach this critical moment next week, I figured now is as good a time as any to look back and figure out what I have learned about myself in the last 486 days.
· I like to drink. Probably a little too much. (Though for the record, I haven’t had more than a glass of wine in a week.)
· I have amazing friends. Seriously the best. And sometimes, all it takes is one crazy long weekend in Vegas to make friends for life and feel like you’ve already known them for a lifetime.
· I would rather spend a year pining over someone seven hours away than to find take the time, make the effort or risk the result of looking for a relationship which isn’t doomed from the get-go.
· Baking makes me happy.
· There is a free spirit in me somewhere and I think it desperately wants to get out. The woman who hasn’t had more than a few days off at one time in over a decade and has put professional advancement before all else doesn’t seem so cool anymore.
· I am not cut out for online dating.
· When you fall off your bike, both literally and figuratively, you just have to get up and keep going even if you are unable to finish. Because sometimes it’s OK not to succeed as the lessons learned in failure can go further than those which come from success.
· I am not Wonder Woman, even if I wear her panties.
I guess that’s a starting point, right?
I got some clarity this week from an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in probably a couple years. On the heels of ending a four-year relationship, he got drunk and fell into a state of self-loathing I know well, channeling it into writing me an email apologizing for being such a shitty friend. I reached out a few days later with tales of my own shitty friend-ness and we caught up on everything we had going on.
Among other things, I told him about the blog; about my goal to find my groove in 500 days and he just laughed and said “If you figure out your life in 500 days, let me know the secret. I think it should take closer to 500 years." I sincerely hope that isn’t the case, but it can probably be assumed it will not happen in the next 14 days.
And that’s OK.
